You know those days where everything seems too hard and you just want to run away? This is everyday for me at the moment. I’m tired. No actually I’m fucking exhausted……of living. Of the same old shit every single day. Of being taken for granted. Of having to do everything for everyone in this stupid house and never getting a chance to do what I want. And most of all I’m exhausted with feeling like this. I feel so lonely, and sad, and angry and frustrated and scared all at the same time. If this is my life, if this is how the rest of my life is going to be…well I don’t want it.
I actually scratched up my wrist the other night for the first time in ages. And I’ve been having those thoughts about crashing the car again. Or packing a bag and running away.
I went out a couple of weeks ago with a friend to the movies, had dinner and a drink after. It was one of the only times I’ve felt truly happy for a long time. And hubby hasn’t let up on it – the fact that he never gets to go out and has to look after H all the time. I hardly ever get to go out because he doesn’t trust me!! I just feel so trapped, in this house and in my mind.
The walls are caving in and it’s getting pretty dark in here. I hope someone shines me a light that I can grab soon or I might be stuck here forever… 😥