Day 7

So today is day 7 of taking the Citalopram. First day was horrible, super dry mouth – was guzzling water every couple of minutes, and very bad heartburn – felt like I was pregnant again! Thankfully that went away by the next morning and I haven’t had it too bad since then, except for extreme tiredness and super intense yawning. The tiredness could possibly be due to the fact that I had a blood test due to being very dizzy and I have extremely low iron – so am now on iron supplements for the next 3 months as well. Yay. Oh and hunger growls from my stomach – super loud and super embarrassing!

I hadn’t even been getting super angry or anything or feeling quite as bad as I had been, almost sort of a balanced type feeling.

Until today, when all of a sudden I feel like I need to cut into my skin to escape the hollowness and gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Clenching my fists together to try and stop the horrible familiar ache, so hard my nails have made indents in my palms.

I was warned about this. I keep trying to tell myself “it’s just the pills”.  I’m trying to distract my mind but it is not working. It’s all I can think about. Not ideal when I’m meant to be working. It’s weird too. Normally when I self harm it does hurt and kinda stops me in my tracks. Today….well it’s like everything is dulled down and I’m not feeling pain as much. It’s making me want to keep going until it does hurt.

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