So since I last wrote I’ve been up, down, up, down and very down. I felt like I had completely lost myself and there was no way back. So alone and lonely and horrible. Soo tired and mentally exhausted. Cue suicidal thoughts all day long.
Today was a huge step for me. I went and saw the doctor. and yes, I have been diagnosed officially with depression and I have a lovely box of Citalopram pills to take now. Not that being officially diagnosed changes anything except for the pills. I’ve known for a very long time that it was depression.
That has taken me a very very long time to get to the point of going and seeing someone. After the last shitty doctor, this one was like a breath of fresh air. She was awesome.
But I DID IT!!!! I’m actually very proud of myself, I thought I would just chicken out again like I have every other time. But no – I’m sick of feeling this way and I just want some form of ME back. Now I just have to actually take the drugs and hope like anything they work. She wants me to go back in 2 weeks to see how I’m doing.
To most people this probably sounds like no big deal. But this has taken a lot of courage for me to open up. Most of the time I keep things tightly shut away and don’t even tell my husband how I’m feeling.
I know this road is probably going to be long, but I’ve taken the first step at least.