Due Date

So I was having a think about things the other night, and I realised that it had been awhile since things happened with J. Calculated, and lo and behold last week would have been my due date if bubs had stuck. Feeling pretty mixed emotions about it all. Sad, relieved, thinking What If…etc. I guess I will be feeling the same on the date that it happened, and the date that I lost it as well. Not the sort of anniversaries you want to remember, but very hard to forget.

Crazy to think that I would have a newborn right now. and who knows where I would be. Obviously not still with DH anyway, no way that he was going to handle that. and I don’t blame him.

And just in the last couple of days I’ve found out some stuff about J that makes me sad and relieved that I’m not with him too. Since him & his GF broke up, he had been messaging me to ask her to take him back. Since I still really cared for him I said ok. Turns out she’s actually a friend of an online friend, and she was on a baby website with me! So i sent her this long message saying that he still really loved her etc. She was not impressed. But she asked me if he had asked me to contact her, because apparently he had been getting lots of people to. We ended up talking and she told me a whole lot of stuff that he had done to her. He is now on a warning from the police. and i’m shocked. I didn’t think he was that type of person. But during the course of our conversation things started not adding up about some of the things he had told me. Turns out he lied about a few things. and I’m sad. My whole perception of him has changed. But the stupid thing is I still like him!

Man why does life have to be so god damn complicated?!

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