So. It’s been quite awhile since I posted last. And a hell of a lot has happened.
To the main event – I told DH i wanted to leave in November. Things had been building up and up for a long time and I had just had enough. I didn’t love him anymore. and I had actually fallen in love with another guy – a guy who i met while we were living in Auckland, and to be honest when DH & I broke up down there I should have never followed him home, but stayed in Auckland and gone out with this guy. But hey – wouldn’t have bubs then so i am happy for that.
So the last couple of months have been incredibly shitty. I am still here though, still with DH, except we now sleep in separate bedrooms (and I am getting sooo much better sleeps!). I am still in contact with the other guy, and still feeling the same about him. But I am now feeling a bit better about being with DH as well, so I’m still up shit creek without a paddle because I don’t know what to do. All our family that knows has been telling us to stay together for DD’s sake so she has her mummy and daddy together. But I know that would be stupid if things aren’t good between us. All of my friends that I have told (my online ones, none of my real life friends know) have told me to leave him on account of things that have happened in the past between us and how he has been treating me for the past year etc. I’ve been so fricken confused etc. We haven’t tried marriage counselling yet, mainly because I don’t like talking to people about things like this (and my previous experience with a shit counsellor) but a lot of people have said to give it a go. We still might i guess.
But i’m sort of in the position where I do want to stay, but at the same time I would love to go and be with this other guy and see if things are better with us. But then what happens if things don’t work out?? and then i’m stuck! God this whole thing is such a mess. and it’s all on my head too, because I’m the one who got back with DH, married him, had DD and then got with this guy and wanted to leave. gah. why is life never easy?!
but DH doesn’t actually know how much I like this guy. He thinks its just a phase and that I can get over him easy. I don’t think I can. 😦
So yeah. that’s my life in a nutshell right now. pretty crap. lol.