last night

I lost it last night. :/ no sleep finally caught up with me. i yelled, cried, told DH i was leaving and that H would be better off without me, couldn’t find the bloody keys so i smacked the door a few times into the wall with my hand…then spent the next hour putting ice on it because i really hurt it and then couldnt pick up H. good one. real smart that was :/ still hurts real bad today too but pretty sure its just bruised. luckily H actually slept better last night than she has done in weeks and i only had to get up to her twice…maybe she could tell i needed sleep. im such an idiot
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2 Responses to last night

  1. Lisa says:

    Aw H you’re not an idiot. I have so been here. For me I threw myself against a wall to smack my head. I totally understand how you feel, like it’s too much for you to cope with so you need to escape and physical pain is easier than mental pain. Please do go see your doctor even if it’s another one not the unsupportive one, you can get some help for this and feel better, I promise you can. I am doing so much better these days and I was exactly where you are right now, and I remember feeling like I’d never get through it. Please ask for help. And message me anytime if you would like to. You are not a bad Mum and Holly would not be better off without you. But you need to look after you as well as her, and to look after her you have to look after you. This sleep deprivation thing is so hard it is physical torture. Hugs

  2. bamn2010 says:

    Hugs hunny, what have I told you missy talk to me!!!!! Don’t let it get to that point before having a rant to someone, I know your feeling really upset and angry but I think it might be time for a go visit…I forget if your n meds but if not I think you need them and if you are they might need to be increased, I know mine did by month 3-4 I think it was..

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