ARGH!

Freaking heck. everything has turned to shit. DH & I are failing, he has no job, we have no money, im soooo tired all the time, dont feel like doing anything. totally stuck right now. i dont even know if we are going to be able to stay in our house.

 

😦 😦 😦

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4 Responses to ARGH!

  1. What do you mean you and DH are failing?? Your relationship is going through a rough patch or are you meaning with Holly coz as far as i can tell your doing great!! if you wanna ring me ( i know its a toll call) you can doll coz i know just how your feeling, we went through it too!

    nic
    06 3687903

    • mummyH says:

      yeah i mean with our relationship. he even said last night that maybe we should have a bit of a break for awhile. and he thinks that we should have waited longer before having H.

      what i want to know is when the hell do things get better between us? and how do we try? i think part of it is because he isn’t getting any sex lol. but i just dont want to!

  2. we ended up having a small break where i stayed with mum for a week and that was definitely nice even though it left me working at everything like a solo mum…Sometimes i wondered too whether we should have left it a lil longer to have C but then all it took was a look at her and that melted away with her smile….remind him she wouldnt be H if you had waited!

    Things ill only get better if a) your willing to work on it TOGETHER and b) time…
    we looked into counselling as you can get free sessions through family court, we still havnt done them but i def want to before #2!!

    Sex is a big thing for men, it makes them feel wanted and desirable aswell though they dont voice those emotions like we do, Dh once confided that he felt hurt and rejected and really unattractive because i always said i didnt want it, he heard that is i dont want HIM!

    We still only do it maybe once a fortnight and thats LUCKY lol…look at my chart and youll see lol…we are only now doing it a lil more now C is close to 1yr…i didnt WANT it and most of the time still dont till a few months ago, i made myself for the sake of our relationship at least once a month…

    One thing i found for me that gets me in the mood is reading lil “bedtime” stories…an erotic novel or some such…i have an app on my phone now with lil short stories and sure enough if i read one or two im rearing to go and have a happy DH

    things still arent perfect here, dont get me wrong, we till struggle and have our good days and bad too but the most important thing is we both agree that we BOTH want to stick this out, it has to be mutual, if he doesnt want to work at it it just simply wont work, you MUST be on the same page!

    Money is a big stress on a couple and is even worse when you have a family, have you looked into more WINZ funding or anything?? you probably wont have WFF now DH isnt working but he must be intitled to the DPB or something and you could probably get accomo supplement to help you keep the house…would be worth looking into if you havnt…

    keep fighting hunny, you have an amazing lil girl there thats worth more than the world and anything matieral in life, she doesnt car if you live in a tent and have spagetti every night, she just wants your love!
    feel free to rant and rave at me hunnny ❤

    xx

  3. Hugs, the first year is so so hard. Our marriage nearly fell apart and we were so strong before having a baby, I never thought that would happen to us or that it would test us so much. We were both so stressed, tired etc and taking it out on eachother, I had PND and I think DH also got a bit of depression too. I have thought about just getting up and going many times. It is so so hard. My advice is organise some time where you and DH can go on a date, and someone can look after Holly, and do it as often as you can realistically manage. It might seem like a hassle and you might not want to, but it is really important. The other thing is to keep talking even when you think you won’t get anywhere, keep communicating, keep trying to work out how eachother feels and how you can compromise so each person is getting as much of what they need as is possible. DH and I found writing eachother letters really helped, as when we were tired and stressed we never said things the way we wanted to. Most of all, don’t let either of you walk out on an argument. Agree to have a cool down time and come back to it or whatever, but don’t let anyone leave the house. I also find knowing eachothers reastions important, I know DH shuts down when we have a row and I push him to talk until he gets angrier and angrier and then he ends up blowing up and the fight is way worse than it ever needs to be. So now he tells me when he needs time, and we agree when we will come back to talk about it again. Just think of Holly always, she is your priority, she is here because of your love for eachother and you owe it to her to try and make that love work. She is what you wanted for yourselves and your life, and it does get easier in time. I so know where you are right now, I have been there and am only just clawing my way out of it now. It has happened with a LOT of communication hard work and determination on our part. Both of us has promised eachother that no matter what, even if we don’t alway agree or get along, we are in it for the long haul and we aren’t going to give up trying to make things work. Its so so hard, but keep fighting for it, you will make it through. Re money I agree calling WINZ and making sure you’re getting everything you possibly can get is important, I know they do emergency money in situations like this. Do you have any family who can help you out in any way? Even with a break so you two can talk? Do you have the option of going back to work part time? I know it sucks having to look at that option but sometimes it can be a good thing too. I know you have had depression in the past, do you think you are having any depression now or more just tired? If you think you have some depression I strongly encourage you to look at some treatment and you can get some counselling, those two things are what have got me through this really tough year. If you have to move, you have to move, you have eachother and you have your bubba and things wont always be this way. Do you have things you could sell on TM? Can your husband just pick up some kind of work, any kind of work just in the short term to bring in some money? Explore all your options. And yes you can get couples counselling free, I think through relationship services, and I think you get more sessions when a baby is involved. Hugs, sorry this is all over the place, I really feel for you cos Ive been here and its so tough. If you ever need to talk Im also here

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