Freaking out

Ok, so there really isn’t long to go now! I’m going to be 31 weeks tomorrow! Far out. It only seems like yesterday that I peed on the stick and those lovely two pink lines popped out at me. Where on earth is the time going???

A friend had her baby yesterday and has posted pictures of her labour on facebook…now that pain filled face has sent a few shockwaves through my brain lol. That is going to be ME in a few weeks! AAH! I don’t deal with pain very well at all. And I am wanting to try and go as drug free as I can stand for the birth (which honestly I don’t think will work, but it’s worth a shot right?) because I know I would be soo proud of myself if I could do it. But either way, drugs or no drugs, I will be proud of myself anyway because it’s not just a little thing I’m going to be attempting!! Nope, it’s the damn biggest and scariest thing I have done in my life. Getting married was a breeze….but this? Yikes.  Besides, if the marriage thing doesn’t work out there’s always divorce (God forbid). You can’t divorce a baby. Once you’re pregnant, there’s no going back! It’s yours for life.

And it’s not just the labour part thats freaking me out. It’s the fact of just having a baby. Having this little person who relies on you for EVERYTHING. The fact that I like knowing what to do, and I am going to have NO CLUE what to do about anything! I know I planned all this, but now that it’s coming down to the time I’m having those good old “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??!!” thoughts. I’m sure that I will be fine. But its not stopping the OMG moments. And as we are leading up to the time those are coming a lot more often!

I feel so flippen disorganised! I have a lot of stuff, but I still seem to have a lot of stuff that I still have left to get. Or maybe thats just me being pedantic and wanting EVERYTHING for her. SIL gave us two humungous vacuum packed bags of clothes from her daughter, trouble is she lives in aussie and so most of the clothing is all summery type stuff. So I don’t have a lot of warm things for her. I need to go and get some merino stuff I think…but it is so fricken expensive, and at the moment we just don’t have any spare money for anything. I have nooo idea how we are going to survive once I stop working.

and that’s a whole other post to come…but I have run out of time so will leave it there for now.

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